


i can't kiss myself

by Hermia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 20:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermia/pseuds/Hermia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During some downtime, Erica and Boyd talk about things -- anchors and relationships, mainly, over two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't kiss myself

_We can crash at my place,_ she said.

_I'll make us something to eat,_ she said.

_Do you want cornflakes or cinnamon toast crunch?_

Erica rolled her eyes as she filled the bowl with milk until the tiny squares nearly overflowed. She wasn't a chef by any means, but she could whip up a mean omelet if she had the time and energy. What she was lacking now was the energy. So instead of taking out the frying pan and actually bothering with a full meal, she and Boyd would be feasting on... cereal. 

Once she put the jug of milk back in the refrigerator, Erica stuck a spoon in each bowl and picked them up. “Dinner's ready!” she called out, even knowing Boyd could hear her perfectly well without raising her voice. There was something domestic about feeding someone at nearly three in the morning that made her feel warm. Announcing it only left her smiling despite how tired she was, despite the utter insanity that was everything _but_ the interior of her mother's house.

Settling down next to Boyd on the couch, she handed him one of the bowls and pulled her legs up on the cushion beside him. “This is my favorite. S'why mom keeps it stocked.” She took a big bite, chewed, swallowed. “You've got good taste.”

“I do, yeah,” he murmured with a grin in her direction, swirling the cereal around in the milk. “At this point I think rice cakes would be a good alternative to _rabbit_. Don't think I'm ever gonna get into that whole hunting thing.”

Erica wrinkled her nose through a laugh before taking another bite. “Rabbit. Squirrel. I think Isaac and I actually double teamed a deer at one point. Waking up in the aftermath of  _that_ was fun.” Holding up her spoon to make a point, she reached over with her bowl and clinked the two together. “Thankfully, there will  _always_ be cereal.”

Boyd chuckled through a large bite, crunching the squares between his teeth and swallowing. “Yeah. Derek and I caught a buck a couple weeks after he bit me.” His nose wrinkled just as Erica's had before. “Really,  _really_ disgusting. Gotta be better ways to get some alpha/beta bonding time in. Granted, this is a guy with a trunk full of torture devices so I probably shouldn't complain.”

“Yeah, wish I knew I'd signed up for some crazy BDSM before a few days ago. That would've been helpful.” She shifted on the couch, bringing her legs up closer to herself and resting her chin on her knees, jaw working when she took another bite. “But who knew, right? You're not sick anymore, but I'm gonna have to screw this medieval torture device into your skull to keep you from killing everyone. That wasn't exactly in the contract.”

His wide jaw clenched at the memory, brow furrowing, words mulling around in his head as he finished another bite. “No. It wasn't.” Boyd paused, reaching over and resting his hand on her shin. “You doin' okay? Haven't really had a chance to talk about it.”

Erica turned her head until she could rest her cheek on her knee instead of her chin, the cool ceramic bowl still cradled in her hands. “Yeah, I'm alright. It was nice to know I can handle more than the two of you, if nothing else.” The corner of her mouth twitched upwards in a smile. “What about you? How are  _you_ handling the repercussions of your first full moon?”

“'Course you can, you're a woman. You're _built_ to withstand pain.” He smiled back at her, taking a moment to drink the last of the milk out of his bowl, setting it on the coffee table. Boyd settled back against the couch, tongue sliding over the skin of his chin to remove the bit that had not quite made it into his mouth.  


“Feels a little... dull right now, I guess,” he continued, brows furrowing as he searched for the right words. “I got really used to having my senses so keen, it's weird having them 'normal' again.”

Erica nodded, spoon skimming around the bowl to scoop up the last remaining squares. “And they're not even 'normal.' They're still ridiculous. Some asshole sneezed next to me in class the other day, and I swear, it sounded like a gun went off. I'm still not used to it. It's amazing half the time. I mean, I can hear you and Isaac and Derek just about anywhere and it calms me down, but it's just annoying when it's not you three. Well, you or Isaac.” She grinned before taking a tentative sip from the rim of her bowl. “Derek and Stiles have kind of been getting on my nerves lately.”

Boyd shrugged. “Yeah, but I'd rather listen their  _blossoming relationship_ then have to go through one more day of smelling all that damn repression.” It took him a few more moment to realize he hadn't removed his hand from her leg. He brought it back and slid it into the pocket of his hoodie. “But yeah, I get what you mean. Still gotta figure out the whole anchor thing. I get what Derek's trying to say, but it's so subjective for everyone. Are we just supposed to think about random shit until  _poof_ , ultimate cosmic power or something?”

“I've been thinking about talking to Derek about it.” Finishing off her milk, Erica set it on the opposite side of the couch and settled back into her spot. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and rolled her tongue over it, rubbing up the last of the cinnamon flavor. “Isaac told me about his, but... I don't really have anything like that? I don't really have any grudges on any particular person. I doubt hating my entire year won't keep me from shifting.”

Brushing her hands up and down her legs, she looked at him, wearing the same small smile that would've been a smirk if not for how tired she was. “Mom was MIA ever since I got sick; dad lives on the other side of town. Not angry at them. Don't have any exes to speak of or really terrible friends. I didn't really have anyone until I got the bite.”

“Do you have to choose something so negative?” He brushed his hand over the top of his head, eventually letting it rest behind it as he attempted to stretch out a little more. “I don't think Isaac's was about a grudge, y'know? Derek's is anger and that's _obvious_. He's broody and tense and scowling _all the time_. Not that I blame the guy.” Tongue passing over his lips, he looked into her eyes, expression thoughtful. “Isaac's not afraid of getting angry or vengeful. It didn't sound like that was what was going on when he mentioned it. The important thing is that it... keeps you human, right? Maybe you're thinking too big.”

“I guess I just figured that would be easier? I mean, I haven't really had any exceptional positive influences in my life, either.” Erica pressed her lips together and let her head fall backwards against the back of the couch. She could think of a few people and things that tied her down over the past couple of years. Her grandmother, the one on her father's side who taught her how to knit. A friend she met online who introduced her to a lot of amazing music and a few TV shows she still managed to download every week when she had the time. But nothing that would hold her to her humanity, nothing that would keep her from shifting. Tilting her head in Boyd's direction, she stared up at him with wide, sober eyes. “What about you? Have any ideas?”

“Just you guys. You especially.” Boyd didn't really mean anything by it. He wasn't stupid enough to think Erica hadn't picked up on his crush. Everyone in a twenty mile radius wanted her, except Danny, and he wouldn't put it past her to manage to get _him_ , too. “Other than that, not really. My home life's nothing bad, but my dad works two jobs to keep us going. Mom's got cancer and we don't have real good coverage... don't really have any good memories. Nothing bad, either, really. Lonely is about all I can think of. Maybe I can use _that_ , I don't know.”

Erica's brows pinched upwards, and she was leaning over until her shoulder was pressed against his before she knew it. “You should use me,” she told him, cobbling whatever was left of her energy to twist her smile into a smirk that was rendered almost impossible to take seriously due to the empathy in her eyes. “You be my anchor; I'll be yours. There. Fixed. Now we've just got to wait a month to see if it actually works.”

Boyd's arm wrapped around her, fingers curling around her bicep. He didn't pull her closer, but he didn't really feel like he had to. The three of them were very touchy now that the pack bond had solidified. Both Isaac and Boyd had a deeper attachment to Erica than they did to each other, but Derek had mentioned that was because they were still getting used to the flood of hormones that came from the bite.  


“Worth a shot,” he admitted. “Something tells me there's no way it's going to be that easy, but it's cute that you're still an optimist.”

“And it's cute that you're willing to humor me despite the fact that we both know it probably won't work.” Erica laughed, a low, throaty sound that warmed her up, and she twisted to rest her cheek on his shoulder. “Who knows? Maybe it'll work. Since Isaac went and found his anchor and is basically Derek's left hand, we might as well just help each other.”

His fingers toyed with the ends of her hair as he exhaled, letting his eyes shut, focusing on her. Her breathing, her body spray, her heartbeat. They didn't often get a chance to be alone. Let alone this close. Isaac had feelings for her too, deep ones, and Derek had non-directly forbidden either of them getting involved with her, at least in front of each other and certainly not so close to the full moon.  


But the moon was waning now and Isaac wasn't here, so Boyd could just enjoy her warmth and the smell of citrus and her husky laugh. “It's as good a plan as any. Plus, if it doesn't work, we might get the chance to punch Derek a few times. Not a totally bad deal.”

“The chance to punch Derek and the chance to get punched _by_ Derek a few times. Again. Fun.” Erica chuckled once more, shutting her eyes and focusing on the feeling of Boyd's fingers in her hair instead. “It might work, though. I mean, we've acknowledged the fact that we don't have much else other than each other. And now Isaac's not even on the same playing field as us. If anything's gonna work...” 

She twisted her face in until it was buried against the curve of his shoulder. He smelled just as nice, if not better, than she knew she did. “I think we might have a good chance. This is me being  _realistic_ , by the way. I like to keep my optimism all stored up for bad days.”

“Uh huh.” He paused for a moment, letting his hand drift up her back and settle between her shoulder blades. “Well, you mean a lot to me. Probably the best chance I have at centering myself.”

When she smiled, Erica made sure it was wide enough for him to feel the twitch of her cheek.

“Suddenly _really_ glad we didn't invite Isaac for dinner,” she murmured, the hand that had been curled around her ankle moving to rest against his stomach. It lingered on top of the soft fabric of his hoodie before sliding into the pocket. “It might've taken us a lot longer to formulate some sort of gameplan. Or... get some alone time.”

“S'nice,” he muttered without opening his eyes. “Think he wanted some time alone anyway.”  


Boyd yawned silently, sinking down a bit further into the couch, cheek brushing the top of her head. “And yeah, we needed it, too. Derek's gonna be too busy with his psycho uncle to teach us anything, anyway. Good to catch our breath.”

“I care about you, too.” The statement seemed about a minute too late, but Erica didn't care. She would've waited ten or twenty if it meant sounding as genuine as it felt. Her attachment to Isaac and Boyd seemed innocent at first, a bonding between people who'd been through enough to accept the bite. It wasn't even a matter of hormones to her. There was no denying her attraction to both of them, but while her blood heated up in the best way around Isaac, it was different with Boyd. It was a slow burn. It was a melt. Her thumb rubbed over his stomach over the fabric. “You know, in case you were wondering.”

Making a small noise in the back of his throat, Boyd shifted a few times, blinking rapidly. He had almost fallen asleep; Erica was too warm, too comforting for his fatigue not to threaten to take over. Thankfully, though, he had heard what she said.  


“Yeah?” His voice was on the rougher side, pitched lower than usual. “...Is that a _you're my friend slash packmate_ care or something more?”

Erica tilted her chin upwards to look at him. Her smile was gone from everywhere but her eyes, but still barely visible in the dark living room. “You didn't specify either, you know,” she said before she snuggled closer under his arm. “Definitely something more from what I can tell. So what's the verdict, gorgeous?”

“Seriously? I have to be specific with _you_?” He laughed, quiet and warm, eyebrows lifting high on his head. “Yeah, it's definitely something more. Of course it is. How could it _not_ be? You go after what you want, you're powerful, you've got a hell of an attitude, but you're not really cocky about it.”  


Boyd moved the hand not on her back to cup her jaw, thumb brushing at the corner of her mouth where her smile had been. “Got the prettiest eyes in Beacon Hills... prettiest everything. And that's  _me_ being realistic.”

“I knew there was something there,” Erica said softly. “I just wanted to hear you say it, to be honest.” Both of her cheeks pressed upwards into those eyes with the width of her smile, toothy and enough to light up her face. There wasn't a single thing about Boyd she didn't find appealing, from his voice to _his_ eyes to his mouth and his body. He was strong; tall and wide and perfect, especially now that he had the superhuman strength to back it up. She'd caught herself staring more than usual recently, and not only because she enjoyed what she saw.

Her lips pursed for a moment in thought. “Though I'd say my eyes have some competition.”

Boyd's voice was as soft as the brush of his thumb across the apple of her cheek. “No. They don't.”

“Uh, yeah, they do,” she murmured, her head tilting into Boyd's hand on instinct alone. “Don't fight me on this. You'll lose. Badly.”

“Really? Because you look about two seconds from melting.” The smile that had already been playing on this lips broadened considerably. “Nnnot sure I'm buying the whole scary she-wolf thing right now, Erica.”

Erica narrowed her eyes up at him. That distracted him enough to keep him smiling a while into the kiss, even after she'd pressed her mouth to his bottom lip. The hand she'd slipped into his hoodie pocket drew out and rested on his chest instead, rubbing up and down until it moved to his neck after that. She pulled away only a few moments later, the corner of her mouth twitching. “You've got better lips, then. End of story.”

Pursing said lips, Boyd bobbed his head, lacing his fingers around the middle of her back. “Yeah, alright, I'll give you that one. I do.” Without a hint of hesitation, he kissed her again, lips splitting and taking her bottom swell between them, pulling back after a few seconds. “Can't kiss myself, though, so it looks like I'll have to stick to the runner-up. Assuming Isaac doesn't try to kill me.”

“If he tries, I'll talk him down.” Her head drifted to the side, and she found herself kissing him again, this time slower. This time, longer. She rubbed her fingers up and down the back of his neck and made a quiet, satisfied noise at the back of her throat. “It's not like I'd stop doing this. For anyone. Mm... never really done the mutual feelings thing. This is new.”

“Never really done this... ever, actually.” Probably an awkward time to admit Erica had rather nonchalantly stolen his first kiss. Not that he minded at all. He had gotten over the romantic notion of it being _special_ and was honestly just glad it was over with. Over with because of a very pretty girl who was what nearly everyone in town wanted.  


Definitely a boost to the ego.

“Derek was my first, actually,” Erica admitted without so much as a blink of an eye. “I had no idea what I was doing. Probably why he threw me off him.” A self-depreciating smile crossed her face, but it was gone just as quickly and replaced by a grin. “I'm _more_ than happy to really get a hang of it with you.”

By now, nearly her entire body was pressed up against his, and their proximity made it easier to give the corner of his lips a kiss. And then his jaw. And then, arms sliding up around his neck, his mouth again. “We'll have to sneak out more often.”

“Mm, yeah, sounds good,” he murmured, bringing his hands up to press against the sides of her face, fingertips moving beyond her ear to dig into the thick of her hair. Boyd kissed her again, longer than before, allowing himself to experiment with a suck here and an ill-timed flick of his tongue there. It was a learning process, but he didn't mind. In fact, he _loved_ to learn.  


When he finally rested against the couch again, he settled his hands on her shoulders instead, rubbing them as he spoke. “So. You're my girlfriend? Or do you wanna go unlabeled for now? I know things are crazy... I'd like to be...  _official_ , but I'm not gonna push it or anything, especially not with all hell breaking lose right now.”

Erica chewed over Boyd's question for a while. She didn't mean to cause any suspense, but it was something worth thinking about. So instead of answering immediately, she rested her cheek on his shoulder and considered her options. There would be no hiding it from Isaac and Derek. Not only would their relationship be obvious, but she wasn't interested in hiding. She  _wanted_ to stay close to him, to reach out and hold his hand if something went wrong, to fall asleep on the old couch they managed to drag into the abandoned subway. Not across from him in a train car, but in his arms. Like she was just then.

“Yeah.” Her voice was a whisper. “Yeah, girlfriend. Definitely girlfriend.”

Her pause didn't give him any trouble. Boyd was a very low key sort of guy; he wasn't about to pressure her either way. His goal was just to spend time with her.  


Still, he couldn't deny the thrill that shot through him when he heard  _yeah_ , and definitely couldn't stop the sudden rise in his heart rate, though it calmed quickly after a deep breath through the nose flooded his senses with citrus again.  


“Good.” Boyd's voice was a whisper, too. “Do you mind... I mean, I know you have a bed, it's just... I'm pretty comfortable like this. Y'know, if you are.”

“Wow,” Erica said on an exhale. “You'll go couch with me over a bed? You really _are_ one of a kind.”

Curling an arm around his waist, she pulled herself closer, bent legs falling to rest against his thighs. It felt cliché, even in her head, to consider everything better when she was right there nestled up against him, but the sensation was undeniable. “I'm good here, if you're sure you don't wanna move.”

“Yeah, I'm sure,” he said, finding her hand with one of his, the other sliding over the top of her hair. “Even if I did, wouldn't have the heart to move you. Didn't know you could be so cuddly. I like it.”

She laughed at that, louder than she intended. “Then there's a lot you don't know about me,” she told him. The laugh was still in her voice, and she somehow managed to wriggle even closer. “You'd have to haul me up the stairs if you wanted to move. I like it juuust fine right here.”

“Me, too.”  


Just like before, it didn't take long for Boyd to fall asleep, despite never being this close to anyone, especially not when trying to sleep. But it felt right with her. Erica's heat, soft breathing and steady heartbeat may as well have been a lullaby composed specifically for him.  


In the morning they'd discuss when and how to let the pack know, but for now they could sleep. They could forget about Peter, about the Argents, about their slipping grades and they could just  _be_ .  


It was easy for them both to forget how pleasant it could be to be invisible... though, maybe the key was having one person to share it with.


End file.
